I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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