I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
