Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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