Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
