Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
