i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
