I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
