call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
