So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
