just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
