She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Randomize
