is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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