all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
