Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
