you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
