Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
only you would photoshop your dick
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Randomize
