Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
