so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
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I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
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You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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