Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I AM VODKA MAN
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
