...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
