i was born a porn star she said
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
