my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
