I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
