I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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