i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
