Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
