just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize