her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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