Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
