Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
