I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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