I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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