My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
