You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
