ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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