coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Who died my cat blue again?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
