seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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