i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
