you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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