Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
