I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.