i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.