some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it