Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.