he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
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Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
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There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.