I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
