just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize