please come you make the beer taste better
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
