I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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