seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
