So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Did I show you my penis last night?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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