apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
