I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
you had me at cake vodka
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
