Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
