K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
