I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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