were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
