That's when you crack a 10am beer
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
