nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
