I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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