are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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