Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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