You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
