Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
