Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize