Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
