my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
