he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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