There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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