If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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