I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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