Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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