How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
