yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Randomize
