How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
