bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
